


I'll take the other pillow

by Theatricuddles



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, M/M, Pining, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23404594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatricuddles/pseuds/Theatricuddles
Summary: Fjord and Mollymauk have to sleep in the same bed sometimes. So do Fjord and Caduceus.It's not a problem.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord/Mollymauk Tealeaf, Caduceus Clay/Mollymauk Tealeaf, Fjord/Mollymauk Tealeaf
Comments: 17
Kudos: 203





	I'll take the other pillow

**Author's Note:**

> Just some bedsharing I wrote a while ago and haven't posted, also known as "oh my god why won't you hold hands."

The first few times they share a room with only one bed, Fjord always takes the chair, and Mollymauk doesn’t question it. But the fourth or fifth time this happens, Mollymauk stretches out on the floor before Fjord can even start getting undressed.

“What?” Fjord asks, as Molly takes the one pillow he stole from the bed and tries to curl up on it like a cat.

“I’m not a delicate little lavender bush. I can stand to spend a night in the chair, and your back is getting screwed up at this rate,” Mollymauk explains as he stretches out on the floor. Fjord nods and gets under the blanket with no further comment.

The next night after that, there’d been a rough fight, and once again, one bed in the inn. Fjord is already on the floor by the time Molly gets up to the room.

“Really?” Mollymauk says flatly.

“Really,” says Fjord.

“You literally took a claw to the _face,_ Fjord,” Mollymauk says, taking a pillow and throwing it on the floor to indicate where he’s sleeping for the night.

“That’s funny, coming from the guy with their intestines hanging out earlier today,” says Fjord, standing back up to place a hand on the bed.

“Jester put them back in! I’m not letting you sleep on the floor,” Molly says. “I’m used to being hurt. You’re not,” he says, then realizes what a messed up thing to say that is just as the blood drains from Fjord’s face.

“Well, that’s a funny coincidence. Cause I’m not letting you sleep on the floor either,” says Fjord, mouth set in a thin firm line.

The two of them stare at each other for a moment, then Fjord sighs and puts a pillow down the center of the bed. “Look. Sometimes, me and other sailors did this when there weren’t enough bunks.”

Molly bristles. “Fine, but I’m taking the other pillow,” he says, then flops onto the bed still in his clothes and begins exaggeratedly snoring.

Fjord sighs fondly as he climbs in opposite Mollymauk, and Molly listens to his breathing slowly subside. Mollymauk flops around. He tries to get comfortable. He can’t sleep. He pulls up the shirt, prods at the marks on his skin. No pain. His thoughts must be keeping him awake then. That’s always the worst. Okay, sort through the problems and find the one that’s poking him. Nott hasn't stolen anything recently. Caleb’s about a four on the “misanthropic mopey wizard” scale. He doesn’t know where Yasha is, but they haven’t found anything to make him nervous for her. Beau and Jester seem to be taking care of each other alright. That just leaves Fjord. He turns to watch Fjord, watches the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Mollymauk, contrary to popular belief, isn’t actually _stupid._ He’s a performer, for goodness sake. He can recognize desire in someone else. It’s in his job description, to be a pretty thing that everyone falls a little in love with. The problem is he has no idea what to… do with that. He woke up two years ago, for the love of the Moonweaver. He doesn’t know what Fjord wants. Whether he wants to fuck Molly, or kiss Molly, or hold Molly… or Mollymauk doesn’t even know what. Hell, Mollymauk doesn’t even know what _he_ wants. So it’s better to act like he hasn’t seen anything.

Mollymauk knows what he wants in this moment, though. He wants to throw that stupid pillow off to the side and close the gap between them and wrap Fjord’s arms around him. He wants to wrap his tail around Fjord’s waist just to be closer to him.

But he doesn’t know if that’s Fjord he wants, or just a warm body and a soft smile and loving heart. So Molly lays in the dark, and traces the patterns of his own tattoos on his forearm, and does not think about the warmth of Fjord’s body just inches away from him. And he definitely doesn’t whisper “Fjord” and press his face against it when he feels something soft in his arms the following morning, only to discover he’s clutching that godforsaken pillow.

(Well. Maybe a little.)

*

Fjord isn’t exactly keeping it a secret that he’s falling a little in love with Mollymauk.

So the fact that the two of them have more or less decided to share the same bed doesn’t exactly help. He can’t tell if Molly’s just cuddly by nature, or he’s just used to sleeping with other people, or if this is some unique problem designed to torture him specifically. But every night, when the two of them remove their armor, Mollymauk sprawls across his half of the bed. And then he flops his arm out over the empty part of the bed. Dangerously close to where Fjord could just… take Molly’s hand and hold it through the night.

But… what would that do? It certainly wouldn’t help him getting over Molly. And he’d been open about his feelings to an extent. He hadn’t _told_ him, not directly, but… what other way was he supposed to interpret Mollymauk choosing him to sit next to on the wagon? Or Molly offering to take lookout claiming that Fjord looked tired? Or… any number of things, really. So that means Mollymauk had to have seen his feelings, in the way Fjord looked at Molly, in the way they tried to keep each other safe. And if he hadn’t reciprocated by now, then odds weren’t likely.

But still. There was his hand, the lightly-trimmed claws, the chunky gold rings. The calluses from the grip of Mollymauk’s pommels. Mollymauk’s hand, inches away from Fjord’s own. It would be so, so easy.

One of the nights in Hupperdook, their fingers brush for a moment. And then Fjord loses his nerve.

(Later, when they were still figuring out the sleeping arrangements… after, he is looking at an empty side of the bed. He wishes he’d been brave, at least once.

He sees the way Caduceus looks at him, and knows he’s being cowardly again.)

*

Caduceus is aware to some extent that Fjord is still mourning their missing friend.

The other woman, Yasha, reassured them that she would return when he was safe again, but for all intents and purposes, it probably feels like their friend is gone.

Caduceus is used to dealing with that. Caduceus is used to dealing with a lot of things. Caduceus is not used to dealing with caring for the person who has been going through that, at least not longer than say, a week. Sometimes Fjord can’t wake up for a while. Sometimes Fjord can’t sleep, and shakes continually through the night. Caduceus is a healer. He knows to feed a cold, starve a fever. He knows how to bandage cuts, set bones, clean an infection. He also knows that the only real cure for grief is time. It doesn’t make it any easier, riding it out. It doesn’t make it easier to watch Fjord crumple in on himself.

At first, Caduceus writes that funny feeling in the pit of his stomach off as concern. Fjord has been through a lot. (So has everyone else, but he can’t heal everyone at once.)

It is concern that keeps him checking up on Fjord throughout the day. It is concern that twists his heart in a knot when Fjord looks concerned or scared, about the outcome of this voyage that they’ve found themselves on. It is concern that makes his mouth go dry when Fjord takes a hit.

It is only when Caduceus watches Fjord as he looks up at the deck of the stars and is _smiling,_ for once, that he realizes the way his stomach clenches is almost definitely not _concern._

“Molly…” Fjord starts to Caduceus, and then stops himself, and Caduceus’ sickness has nothing to do with the sea. “I’m sorry,” Fjord says, to no one in particular.

Caduceus isn’t disappointed that Fjord is in love with someone else. He is disappointed that he cannot make Fjord happy. Even if Fjord takes Caduceus’ hands, holds him close, runs his fingers through his hair, Caduceus can’t let himself accept that.

He can’t let Fjord break his own heart like that.

So when he and Fjord lay down on either side of the bed, sometimes Fjord will reach his hand out. And Caduceus lays there and recites all the names of the flowers he can think of and when he gets through those, all the families he can remember in the blooming grove. He will give Fjord a warm body to hold, if that’s what he’s willing to ask for in so many words. But he can’t be Mollymauk. And even if he wants so badly to try to be, for his own selfish reasons, he can’t do that to Fjord.

It’s only when Caduceus hears Fjord whisper “Deuces”, to the wall, as he’s dreaming, that Caduceus realizes maybe he’s been going about this all wrong.

But it’s probably much too late for that by now.

So Caduceus wakes up every morning, and stretches out his arms full of pins and needles, and asks whether Fjord’s feeling okay, and does not discuss it any further. They have a routine at this point. So Caduceus will wait as Fjord nods off, and when Fjord finally stops looking at him and turns back towards the wall, Caduceus will stare at the three foot distance between them, as if he can will it away by wanting alone.

And then when they pull back into port, Yasha shows up again, one familiar purple Tiefling in tow. And Caduceus barely has to interact with him for a conversation before he can see why Fjord fell in love with him.

So having Mollymauk back makes the situation simultaneously better and about ten times worse.

*

Mollymauk is _not_ jealous of Caduceus.

Okay. Maybe he’s a little jealous of Caduceus. But that part is absolutely not his fault.

He knows perfectly well that the Mighty Nein are allowed to have other friends. They are even allowed to date people, if things go well enough. It’s not Caduceus’ fault Molly waited around until he missed his opportunity. But… the longer Mollymauk spends with Caduceus, the longer he’s convinced there’s something… off about the firbolg. I mean, come on. Beauregard even seems nice to Caduceus, and she frankly doesn’t seem nice to anyone. Although maybe that was just him. And if there’s something the most off about Caduceus, it’s this: why hasn’t he made a move yet?

Mollymauk sees the way Fjord looks at Caduceus. He recognizes the way Fjord looks at Caduceus. It’s getting really annoying, honestly. If Caduceus isn’t going to appreciate the way Fjord smiles at him, Mollymauk would be very glad to do it for him. But Caduceus is either very dense or very, very insecure, because somehow he never takes the hint. Mollymauk is being hypocritical. Mollymauk _knows_ he is being hypocritical, and he can’t really get himself to stop.

Finally, a few days into their next journey, Fjord happens to pick a blue flower from the side of the road to offer to Caduceus, and Molly just. He can’t deal with this anymore. When they reach the next town, he immediately splits off from the group, ignoring Yasha’s worried calls to duck down a back alley. He has no idea what he’s looking for, and as he collapses beside a fountain he doesn’t recognize, Mollymauk realizes he’s managed to get himself lost, too. He looks down at his own reflection in the water, and as he sighs, he hears something splash into the water, and one of his horns feels lighter. His sun pendant is now at the bottom of the fountain. Wonderful.

Molly hears footsteps behind him, and turns around to see Caduceus approaching. But before he can come up with some joke to cut through the stinging tears in his eyes, Caduceus wordlessly runs past him and jumps into the fountain. Mollymauk watches, as Caduceus feels around in the fountain, his robes already getting soaked. “It’s not that important,” he offered, feeling a pang of guilt in addition to all of his other emotions.

“To you, it is,” Caduceus says simply, before pushing his wet hair back again and groping around in the water once more. A moment later, Caduceus is standing up in the fountain, holding out Mollymauk’s piece of jewelry. His clothes are soaked through, but he still smiles.

“Here’s the sun,” he says, and Molly feels like he is standing directly in front of the sun.

Mollymauk wordlessly takes the pendant and with a swallow, manages to choke out a “Thank you”.

“It wasn’t a problem,” Caduceus says, even though his soaked robes seem to imply otherwise. “You looked like you needed someone to talk to,” he says.

And in that moment, Molly realizes why all of his friends are in love with Caduceus. The spokes of the pendant poke his fingers slightly. “Thanks,” Mollymauk says again. Now Mollymauk can certainly understand why Fjord keeps chasing after Caddy. Even if Caduceus has purely innocent purposes with all of them, if he just gives Molly that soft, fond expression a few more times, Mollymauk will die happy.

*

Fjord wanted Mollymauk. Then he wanted Caduceus. Now, he’s frankly not sure what he wants. He wants them. He recognizes that. But he’d thought that they reciprocated, and now he’s not so sure. So sleep was always a weird form of intimacy with the three of them, none of them willing to reach out across the invisible boundary that they’d set for themselves. But now, it probably counted as some level of torture. He cares about them. He cares about them so much that sometimes, it feels like that love is forcing his whole being apart. And here they are, on either side, close enough to touch. And he has to lie perfectly still to avoid touching either of them.

Finally, after two nights of this, Fjord has had more than enough. “You two take the bed, I’m sleeping on the floor,” he says, throwing the pillow to the ground.

*

Mollymauk is sick of this. He has to practically dangle one leg off the bed in order to keep from accidentally-on-purpose spooning Fjord. He tried to hold his own tail for a few nights, which worked perfectly fine until he woke up feeling a little bit of fuzz and remembered, all of a sudden, that his own tail was not fluffy.

(Caduceus hadn’t woken up, at least. Miraculously.)

So he's decided if he’s going to get rejected, he might as well get full-rejected, instead of held at arm’s length. At least then he’ll _know_. He drags the blanket off, because he never claimed not to be an asshole at times, and he flops down on the floor next to Fjord.

And Fjord goes still. And Mollymauk is about to pull away.

But then Fjord finally, finally takes Mollymauk’s hand. And Mollymauk can’t breathe for a moment. He wants to throw his arms around Fjord, but he isn’t entirely certain he’s not dreaming.

And then Caduceus is standing over them. “I’m sorry, but it’s very cold without the blanket,” he says quietly. And then he realizes that the two of them are holding hands underneath the blanket. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “Do you want me to go stay somewhere else?”

Mollymauk sits up and gathers his only ounce of courage. “He loves you too, you know. So much,” he says quietly.

And then Caduceus takes Fjord’s other hand, and lays down next to him, and looks at both of them with so much love Molly swears his heart could burst. And then the three of them fall asleep, still holding hands.

In the morning, they’ll maybe do more than just that, but for now, they’re happy with this. They’re happy with the promise of something more.

**Author's Note:**

> Everything I touch becomes soft. I promise I'm still working on Be Still My Foolish Heart, but I figured I'd put this up in the meantime.


End file.
